Release the meteor.
Release the meteor!
No way!
Right in the kanickies!
God dammit!
Guys!
Way to go a-hole!
All right hold on, let me try to find my balls for God's sakes!
One, two... and three, okay. I'm okay!
Dr. Evil, we still have the ultimate insurances policy.
May I present to you the very sexual, the very toite.
Austin Powers fassia.
His what?
His fassia Dr. Evil.
His ferder?
- What's a ferder? -His fassia! You know, the fassia.
Yeah Goldmember, I dont speak freaky-deaky dutch.
Okay perv boy?
Fassia, his dad, dad is fassia.
Oh his dad, oh his FATHER.
Yes, that's the right accent.
Isn't that wierd.
Father, father.
- Ah, Nigel Powers. - Hello, hello.
Bring him to me!
Easy peasy lemon squeezy!
Put the guns down. Is this the first day on the job or something?
Look, this is how it goes... You attack me one at a time.
And I knock you out in a single punch. Okay, go!
Oh, he's good.
Do you know who I am?
Have you any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years?
And look at you. You haven't even got a name tag.
You got no chance!
Why don't you just fall down?
Alright, Dr. Evil give yourself up, while you still got a chance.
Okay, okay. You got me.
Nigel Powers, meet...Mini-Me.
Oh, blimey. I though I smelled cabbage.
Take hime away!
Dr. Evil, can I paint his yoo-hoo gold?
It's kindda my thing, you know?
How about no, you crazy Dutch bastard!
Attention henchmen. It's health week. Don't forget your physical. Dr. Evil's orders.
You know, I think it's a shame the way they treat you.
Just because you're one-eight their size.
Doesn't mean you deserve one-eight of their respect.
Mini fella. I'm...I'm curious.
Is everything in proportion.
You know your bobby dangler, -
your general, two colonels.
Your giggle stick, master of ceremonies.
Yeah, don't be shy, let's have a look.
My word! You're a tripod.
What do you feed that thing? It's like a baby's arm holding an apple.
The good news is. If you ever get tired.
You can use it as a kick-stand.
I think we both know who the real brain is behind this operation.
Tokyo, a go go, baby, yeah!
What's kicking, Basil?
A lot's kicking, Foxxy.
Austin?
One of Dr. Evil's henchmen has been spotted at the Asahi Sumo Arena.
- See there immediately. - Thanks, Basil.
Ah, Jesus Christ, this diaper is making my nuts rub together.
It's gonna start a fire!
That's Fat Bastard!
Do you know what my favorite Helen Hunt movie is?
TWISTER!
- That's not right. - Sure ain't.
Are we done here? I've gotta take a crap.
Wait a tic. Something doesn't smell right.
And I think it's Fat Bastard.
You okay, Austin?
Sound as a pound, love.
I didn't have any corn!
Hey diaper-lady! Here's my diaper.
I think I might have pinched one off to soon.
I left a rosebud in there for you.
You really are a fat bastard!
You know, that hurts my feelings. I'm trying to go on a diet, you know.
The zoan. You know curbs are the enemy.
Oh...who's your friend?
Oh, I liked to have a go with that filly.
Do you find me sexy?
Look at my titties!
Shut your mouth!
Alright, that's enough!
- Okay, you got me, put it there, would you? - Okay.
Come here, you!
Oh, my titties!
You give me a nipple!
I've got you now!
Come here you!
Prepare for the ultimate wire-fighting manoeuvre!
I just hope my wire-fighting team is ready!
- Cranky! - Oh, great, isn't this magical?
One of my wires broke.
Your under arrest, sugar!
Okay, Fat Bastard, who's the Japanese cat you make a exchange with?
All right. His name is Roboto.
He owns Roboto Industries.
He's designing some contraption for Dr. Evil...I don't know...
- The tractorbeam. - The tractorbeam.
That's it!
Listen, do you honestly think that crime can pay?
Well, to be honest with you, I've been trying to go legit.
I really take my sumo wrestling seriously, you know.
But when you are an overweight child.
In this society that demands perfection.
Like your sense of right, wrong, fair and unfair.
We'll always be tragically scud.
Did you just soil yourself?
Maybe.
It did sound a little wet, didn't it, right in the end, uhh...
Let's have a smell, alright.
Wafting, wafting.
Well, everyone likes there own brand, don't they? This is magic!
Alright, analysis.
Smells like carrots and throw up.
That could gag a maggot!
Smells like hot, sick arse and a dead carcass.
Even stink would say that that stinks!
You know when you go to the apartment building, -
- and you smell others people's cookin' on each floor, -
- and you go: "What are they cookin'".
That, plus crap!
- Hey pa! - Hey Scotty! How you been sport...
I got you a present.
Really?
Open the tank.
Open the tank!
Are those sharks with laserbeams attached to their heads?
Cool!
You mean I actually have fricken' sharks with fricken' laser beams attached to their fricken' heads?
You're the best evil son an evil dad could ever ask for.
I love you, dad.
I love you, son.
Starting moment...
Scotty! Come here.
Pop a squat, right next to daddy!
Mini-Me, move down the bench.
There's a power struggle.
Scotty's on fire!
Alright, it's getting crowded in here.
Everyone out, everyone out, come on!
Not you, Scotty.
Not you, Number 2.
Not you, Frau.
Not you, Goldmember.
Not you guys back there.
Not you henchman holding wrench.
Not you henchman arbitrarily turning knobs making it seam like your doing something.
This is uncomfortable!
The tiny one can't take a hint.
He doesn't understand, He's small.
Hello Foxxy. Austin.
We've comfirmed what Fat Bastard told you about Roboto is accurate.
He was hired by Dr. Evil to contruct Preparation H.
So Roboto had the technology to build Goldmember's tractorbeam.
Which means Roboto will lead us to Goldmember.
Which means Goldmember will lead us to my father.
- You speak Japanese? - A little.
Well you might be a cunning linguist, but I'm a master debator.
I'm looking for my father. He was kidnapped.
Please eat what?
Wait. He said: "Please eat some shitake mushrooms."
Tell me. What do you know about...s...my father's where...about...s.
You're ass is happy?
No!
He said: "Your assignment is an unhappy one".
Nice potty-mouth, dirtbag.
Yes. Quite off topic, thank you very much.
Why don't I just speak in English?
That would be a good idea, now wouldn't it?
That way I wouldn't miss-read the subtitles -
- making you it seem like you're saying that are dirty.
I'm sorry to hear about your father. But I can't help you.
Please excuse me.
I have another appointment.
By the way...
Mr. Roboto is lying to us.
Tell me something I don't know.
I open-mouth kissed a horse once.
- Say-what? - That's something you don't know.
My spider-senses tells me that my father is still in this building.
You keep a look out. I'm gonna try to sneak in.
Sha-zam!
Come on, sugar.
There is Goldmember and Roboto.
Yesh. Very impressive put Preparation H into my stooping transporten.
You need this to tone the tractorbeam.
It's a gold key.
Smarty pants.
Let's spread out.
Hands up, Goldmember!
It's payback time.
Sure you can kill me.
But then, what happens to Austin Powers' fassia?
Dad!
Yesh! And now he's going to have an unfortunate smelting accident.
Don't worry dad! I'm here to rescue you.
May I point out, that last time around you fell into to an obvious trap.
Now your're trying to save me instead of stopping Goldmember.
Please, I'm not gonna let Goldmember get away!
Austin, Goldmember is getting away.
Hello, hello, aren't you gonna introduce us Austin?
Foxxy, this is...
Powers. Nigel Powers.
Is that Eau de Fleuratia your wearing?
Yes, it is.
That's how a woman should smell.
Especially one as beautiful as you.
My my...even in the face of danger you live up to your reputation.
Get on with it!
I got an idea.
Your spycar is a mini.
It's not the size mate.
It's how you use it.
You know I would have found my way out, very well.
What? I saved your life!
Listen.
Should have been doing your job!
Oh, your welcome, mate.
Shut up and turn around, please!
Run! It's Godzilla!
It looks like Godzilla.
But due to International Copyright Laws...it's not.
Still we should run, like it is Godzilla!
Though it isn't.
There is Goldmember.
Greater-greater one-niner, this is Goldie-van. Over.
10-4 there, Goldie-van this is Rubber-ducky, what's your ten-twenty? Over.
I've got Preparation H in rear and smoke in the barrel of my backdoor... Viva las convoy. Over.
Yee-haa. Copy that you son-of-a-bitch powder of monkeynuts.
Open wide there Rubber-ducky, I'm entering your mouth now. Over.
Great, Goldmember got away.
Now what?
I think it's obvious, we should take Dr. Evil's lair by force.
- You can be my backup, son. - Backup?
Well that's fairly condescending.
Do you think Dr. Evil's is gonna expect an attack?
We should infiltrate his lair.
It's aint my first rodeo, cowboy.
We need commandos, scuba...gadgets for god-sake.
Well, I don't like to use gadgets.
Outside the bedroom, I thank you...
You know. I think being frozen, damaged your brain.
Really? And how would you know?
This is the most time we ever spent together, since...ever!
What are you saying, son?
What boy learned to drive a car with machineguns on it?
Or had a helicopter you could fit in a nutsack?
What about you Swedish nanny, Helga?
Oh, yes, Helga!
Let's say I didn't hire her for the cooking.
She stayed on, until you were 24.
We were mates you and I.
I didn't need a friend.
I needed a father.
You know I have risked my life trying to save you.
And you still don't give me any respect.
Respect? Come on.
If you got an issue, here's your tissue.
That is not funny.
Well, I suppose we better go our seperate ways then?
Fine.
So. I've been assigned to welcome you to the Ministry of Defense.
I have a letter from my director personally thanking you for switching sides.
I...can't wait to inform Austin of your defection.
Oh. Hello Basil.
Yes, Austin should be here any second.
Yes, I'm in Austin's hotel room right now.
Assasin!
Try to kill me will ya?
Oh. You wanna be friends, huh?
Wait a tick.
I'm not falling for that again!
But, at least he didn't mention it.
Yes, I realize he can't talk.
Listen I think Dr. Evil treated him badly.
And that's why he has decided to help us.
Come back here, you little bugger.
Oh, yes. I'm sure Austin and Mini-Me, will get along famously.
I guarantee nothing will happen to Mini-Me in my watch.
Come here you bugger, I got ya.
Oh, I think he and Austin will be united -
- in their commitment to the mission of stopping Dr. Evil.
Austin. There you are.
I have come to tell you the good news.
Mini-Me has...
- switched sides.
Sorry about that, old chap.
Welcome aboard.
My mole-stake.
What was that?
Listen. Just get it out of you system.
- No I'm fine. - I insist.
We could work together better if you just...
Mole!
Bloody mole!
We are not supposed to talk about the bloody mole, -
- but there's a bloody mole winking me in the face!
I'm gonna chop it off, and cut it off.
And make some guacamole!
- Better? - Yeah.
So you decided to join us, huh, Mini-Me?
And welcome to the good side, my mini-brother.
And thank you for the map for Dr. Evil's sub.
What's this?
It says: "Dr. Evil's tractorbeam is now complete" -
- "there is not much time. Dr. Evil must pay!"
"You are so beautiful."
"Are you a clone of an angel?"
That is so sweet!
But no my mini-man, I'm not.
"Are you sure you don't have a little clone in you?"
Yeah I'm sure.
"Would you like to...?"
Holy bugger!
That is so not funny.
Okay, everyone prepare to dive.
This spycar is also a submarine.
Get me the World Organization.
What is it, Dr. Evil?
Gentlemen. In a matter of hours a meteor will crash into Earth causing a global flood.
That is of course unless you pay me.
1 billion-gezillion-fefillion...-
- million...yen.
I think you're bluffing.
Well perhaps you would like a demonstration? Number 2 the key, please.
Sir, Dr. Evil is not bluffing.
One of our satellites is falling out of orbit.
Which one?
It's the one that looks like a pair of...
Melons! Big juicy melons!
Are they nice and ferm?
Well, what do you think?
Look at that!
It looks like a set of giant...
Hey, A and N you're late. How're we doin..
Go Titans! Check it out. Those remind me of...
Boobs!
Boobs, Ozzy?
These film makers is just *BEEP* boobs!
What do you mean, dad?
Well they use the same *BEEP* jokes, as they did in the last Austin Powers movie.
What *BEEP* joke?
You know the *BEEP* joke about the long smooth rocket that looks likes some guy's...
Johnson!
- Yes, sir? - Any sign of that satellite?
No, sir. It's gone.
Gentlemen, you have my demands, peace out!
Cool, baby. You look very switched on.
Thank you, Austin.
No Mini-Me! Off! Bad! No humping!
Dr. Evil. In light of success of the device.
It is japanese custom that I recieve a bonus.
A bonus?
That's good. Yeah.
Throw me a freakin' bonus here!
I haven't laughed that hard since I was a little girl, thank you!
Oh, you're nok joking.
No! In fact if you don't give me the bonus...
- Hey guys! - Hey Scotty, how are you, sport?
- Why don't you let me take care of this? - Okay.
That's the evil laugh.
Scotty!
Scotty. Take it down a notch.
It's creepin' a bit.
Let's go.
We will need a disguise.
There's only one uniform.
One of us has to go, on the other one's shoulders.
Hey there buddy how's it going?
Good to see, ya.
Yeah, yeah...hi!
Hello. You alright?
Yes it's a good hat. Very good hat.
Come on Mini-Me, let's go.
Hold it right there, mister.
Did you really think that you could get away with this?
I did actually, yes.
Every new recruit must have a physical.
Now get in here sailor.
I'm going to need an urine sample.
Okay.
Okay, then.
Hello.
And here we go.
- Terrific. - Yes.
Alright sailor. Go behind that screen and strip down to your skippies.
Alright then, I'll just go to that screen.
Which is over there.
Right behind that screen.
Come on, hurry the map.
Okay, what's on the map.
I'm going to need an urine sample.
Which way to the main chamber?
Okay. So...sure.
Excuse me, doctor?
It's difficult in public, isn't it?
Mini-Me, our shadows, we're casting a shadow.
What's wrong, sailor?
You should check that guy out!
What the hell is going on here?
Hands up.
You heard me, I said hands up!
Both of you!
Come with me!
Mini-Me, the map. Go!
Okay, you got me.
Are you alright, little man?
Right on!
Mr. Powers.
Before I kill you. Perhaps you would like to see the genius of my plan.
Key, please.
What the? Who? But how? Where?
Looking for this?
Mini-Me?
Alright, everybody, drop your guns.
Because Foxxy Cleopatra is in the sub.
Smashing, Foxxy! Yeah!
Alright, Dr. Evil.
It has finally come down to this.
You, me and the gun.
What are you going to do now, Austin?
Dad?
What are you doing here?
I gotta finish this off once and for all.
I'm afraid you can't do that.
I have to protect my son.
Dad, I'm fine.
I'm not talking about you.
I'm talking about...him.
What?
Dr. Evil is not your son.
I am.
You both are.
What?
It was our first...family holiday together.
Just as I was finishing a case.
Your mother brought the two of you to Belgium.
I stopped to have a tinkle.
When the car...
But, my parents died in a car accident.
It was no accident.
Ět was an assasination attempt.
I though only Austin survived.
I should have told you the truth earlier.
But those Belgians, they made you so damn...evil.
Of course they share border with Dutch.
Very interesting story, Mr. Powers.
Of course, I'm gonna have to wait until I see all the facts.
Daddy!
Daddy is here, Ducky.
Ducky, ducky?
Ducky remember, Ducky...?
Dad, what's going on?
What are you going to do Austin?
Austin!
Are you sure you can trust, Dr. Evil?
He ain't heavy.
He's my brother, baby, yeah!
I should have told you this so long ago, son.
I'm very proud of you.
Can you forgive me?
I forgive you dad.
I'm Ducky! I'm Ducky!
Oh, come on!
I mean first I'm not evil enough for you.
And now you're gonna turn good?
Listen, Scott.
You can spend your whole life -
- trying to win your parents acceptance. Believe me!
But at the end of the day you just gotta do it for yourself, baby.
Hey, Austin...
What?
I hate you.
I hate you!
I don't even know you, but I hate you too.
And I especially hate you!
You'll pay.
You'll all pay!
I'd like to point out that no one else in my gene pool runs like a girl.
Not so fast, smarty pants!
Dr. Evil!
You might not want to destroy the world.
But I do!
Preparation H goes ahead as planned.
I got to flood the Earth!
Think again, Goldmember.
Huh, Foxxy Cleopatra.
It's a shame I had to kill your partner.
- Too bad for you. - Too bad for me?
How about too bad for you?
Oh no!
Luckily I keep a spare.
Look everyone! My winky was a key!
Oh dear, bloody Dutchman.
Foxxy, I'm coming!
Don't do anything stupid or the shooting begins.
Austin, take Ducky I'll stay here and be your backup.
Ducky, what do we do?
I'm not really a "hands-on-evil-genius".
Think you were always the smart one.
I could re-write the output capacity to the tractorbeam -
- from one of the conduit boxes up there.
Come on, let's go.
Yesh! The shooting begins.
Let me shoot!
You know, Dr. Evil. I used to think you were crazy.
I know.
But now I can see your nuts. I thank you.
Hurry!
Fassia, fassia, fassia, fassia, fassia.
Fassia can you here me?
Fassia, fassia...
Well done, Austin!
You saved the world again.
Thank you.
Austin, you did it.
We did it!
Yeah, baby!
No? Just trying it on.
Goldmember, you're under arrest, sugar.
Hey assholes! Do I have time for a last smoke and a pancake or what?
I'm from Holland! Isn't that wierd?
Yes, well done!
Hey Powers!
Fat Bastard?
But you are not fat anymore.
I'm on the subway diet.
I've lost a 180 pounds.
Congratulations, baby.
Thank you.
I do have a little bit of excess skin though.
But unfortunately my neck does look like a vagina.
Austin.
Thank you, for eveything.
Sha-zam!
I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers.
MORE TO COME...
Well they are using the same *BEEP* joke -
- as they used in the last Austin Powers film...movie...oh I'm sorry.
Well they are using the...the...what...
Well they are using the same joke, as they...
W...what do you mean?
Boobs, Ozzy?
Stop...
Oh, don't start this Kelly, don't you worry about...
On the mark!
On the mark?
I don't like that noise I'm getting all turned on.
My testeron is going dancing...
Get off me!
Is...is it true what they say about you?
Kickstand? Really? Can I give you my cellphone number?
Please?
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Burt Bacharach.
:::: MGNT Entertainment ::::